I Have an Oil for That!

Sorry its been a minute since I posted!  February got super crazy and ran away from me faster than the gingerbread man!  You may have noticed a lot of changes around here lately. I want to share about one big one.

A few years ago I met an amazing woman named Candy.  Candy was married to a friend of ours from college and they came to our house for a New Years Eve party with some other college friends.  Towards the end of the party Candy gave each of us sample bottles of wild orange essential oil (which smelled so good!).  Soon after the party Candy sent me a text to tell me how much they had enjoyed the party.  Later she asked if I would be interested in learning more about essential oils.  I thanked her, but turned her down, I was mildly intrigued, but also skeptical; I had used a few essential oils here and there, but never consistently.  She took my rejection in kind and we remained friends.

Fast forward a few months, a different friend threw me a baby shower for Princess A.  It was so sweet and thoughtful.  We made hair bows, had treats, and enjoyed adult company.  Among the gifts I received was a keychain filled with sample bottles of essential oils to help with baby care.  I used some of them, and my curiosity started to grow.  I dabbled in a few more essential oils and started to see some benefits.

I saw Candy several more times and when I was finally ready to learn more about essential oils (about two years later) she was there.  I agreed to host a class, but no one else came, so Candy and I talked and I decided to give them a try.

I was nervous and excited when my box came.  I started trying some right away.  Lavender to help the kids sleep, a respiratory blend for Lawrence's snoring, lemon to get me drinking more water, a protective blend to help boost our immune systems (mostly when we were already sick), a soothing blend for sore muscles... You get the point.  The more consistently I used the oils the better our results were.  I started learning about the benefits of other oils so I tried more.  Lawrence saw the benefits and got on board pretty quickly too.  Then he suggested that I consider becoming a DoTERRA wellness advocate.

I scoffed at the idea.  I struggle with social anxiety.  I have turned down a lot of other similar opportunities in the past, It just wasn't something I was interested in, at the time.  Then I helped Candy run a booth at the Parade of Homes in Utah County.  It was easy to share experiences with people, to share the simplest benefits with them.  Then I met Holly, who is on Candy's team.  She shared a bit more about being a wellness advocate with me.  I considered it over about a week, and decided that I want to help other people in the way that Candy helped me.  I want to share ways to live a cleaner, healthier life with others.  I want to help other moms feel empowered, the way I had felt, when their kids were sick at night after the doctor's office is closed, or itchy with a rash, or got a giant goose egg from a run-in with a wall.  I want to help other wives soothe their husbands after a long day at work (or the other way around).  I also want to help my family achieve our goals, to be able to take vacations together and remain debt free.  So I chose to build.

Just in case you haven't noticed, I've been sharing links for Essential oils that we have used with great results.  If you make a purchase through any of those links I get a small commission.  If you are at all curious about essential oils and what they could do for you and your family, please ask, I would love to share with you!  If you love essential oils and want to learn more about how to share them and help those you love, I would be happy to help with that as well.  Do I think essential oils can cure everything, and fix all the world's problems?  Probably not.  But I do think that they can (and do) help with many, many things. Do I still take my kids to the doctor when necessary? You bet I do, but you can also bet that I have tried all my tools, within reason.  I can say that I have certainly been able to save myself a few doctor visits with oils, and spared my kids (especially Mr. J) from antibiotics that can really mess with their little guts.  I can say that essential oils have saved my sanity on more than one occasion.  So keep your eyes out for some shares and a new tab on the blog about the oils we love, why we love them, and how you can get your hands on them!  I am so excited to share with you!

Circle Time

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time getting going in the mornings.  I have always been a night owl and when that alarm goes off in the morning all I want to do is chuck it against a wall and wrap myself back up in the blankets/Lawrence’s arms.  Unfortunately kids don’t usually get that, jobs require people to be on time, and dogs need let outside, so I do eventually drag myself out of bed.  The dogs get out, the kids get fed, the husband gets off to work, and I’m left to manage our schedule the rest of the day.

Our display board

For a long time it looked something like this:  7:30-8ish- kids get up, I roll out of bed, 8ish-9ish- feed kids and send Lawrence off to work, 9ish-10ish kids get dressed, I take shower, kids play, then sometime between 10:30 and 11 we were finally ready to start our day’s activities. Getting the kids started on school work was almost always a fight. They had been having lots of fun playing and didn’t want to quit, they were hungry for a snack, and school work just isn’t as much fun.  I was getting so tired of always fighting about this and looking for a new, fun way to kick off our school time.  Enter The Homeschool Sisters’ podcast.

Monday: music

Tuesday: shapes and colors

I had been following Cait at My Little Poppies for about a year and finally subscribed to a podcast she does with another homeschool mom, Kara. They answer questions, share stories and strategies, and interview other homeschoolers, advocates, and teachers to support and help the homeschooling community.  I was scrolling through the episodes of their podcast, looking for ones that sparked my interest, when I saw one titled “Creating a Morning Time Routine.” THIS! This is what I needed, help organizing my mornings better. So I listened, and I found that it was something I could do, even something I had kind of already done when we were in the preschool years.  Basically Morning Time is a time to gather all the kiddos and do some simple and fun learning activities all together. Instead of breaking us all up for our individual tasks before we get going on our more formal learning.  We sit down together and sing songs, read stories, do puzzles, listen to music, and learn.  It came so naturally!

Wednesday: states and capitals

I want to share how we do it. Keep in mind, this is how we do it, Morning Time, or as we call it Circle Time, can look different for everyone; you do you.  These are just some of my ideas.  Back when we did a preschool co-op I made this board (see above) with a weather center, calendar, shapes and letters on it.  It was a foam core poster with a holographic side and a white side and I taped all my things on the holographic side so they would come off without tearing up the poster board, it worked great! When we transitioned to kindergarten I modified the board and added a laminated calendar that I could re-use, a Pledge of Allegiance, and a list of the months of the year.  Since then some things have come off and I put up other learning graphics as we worked on different things. We start Circle Time when I play the song “The Greatest Show” (Greatest Showman), which signals to the kids that it is time to head downstairs and gather on a rug.  They can sing, dance, and play until he song is over, then it is time to sit.  I swipe an essential oil roller to help with focus across the backs of each of their necks then we do the Pledge, check the weather and mark it on the board, talk about the date, sing a few songs, work on memorizing an Article of Faith, then each day gets a different learning activity.  Monday we do music, Tuesday is shapes and colors, Wednesday we work on learning the states and capitals, Thursday we practice Spanish, and Friday we play a game.  I tried to include acticvities for all my kids and the things they are working on, but that they can also all do together and enjoy.  We use puzzles, songs, books, and move a lot (the pictures are just a few of the resources we use).

Thursday: Spanish

Friday: games

This has transformed our mornings (mostly)! The kids get excited when they hear the Circle Time song and race to the basement.  We have fun doing activities together, that also help the kids all learn, and we transition into regular schoolwork easier.  Don’t get me wrong, there are still mornings when there’s grumbling, and we do our best to work through that, but for the most part we get into school earlier, faster, and easier when we start with circle time.  The nice thing about it is that it is super flexible, so if we have a field trip, an appointment, or we get sidetracked we can skip a day and it doesn’t matter a ton, but when we do skip it the kids miss it and remind me that we missed it.  I love that we can change it up at any time if we need too.  If the kids are getting bored with the music stuff we're doing we can choose a different way to do it, or even a different subject or activity, it's so flexible!  I love that it gets the kids excited to learn and get going in the mornings.  I'm still working on getting out of bed and getting us started a little earlier in the day, but whether we get started at 11 or at 9 Circle Time will be there to get us started and get my kids excited to learn.





(ETA: This post contains affiliate links, at no extra cost to you may get free product or money if you click on a link and make a purchase.)

Simply Blessed

When I was growing up we never really did a lot with the whole Easter Bunny thing.  We got simple baskets with a few treats in them, there was usually a family egg hunt with cousins, but the notion of a colorful rabbit that left these surprises never really took center stage in our Easter celebrations.  We focussed more on Christ, the Atonement and Resurrection.  For this I am very grateful.

I have been striving to make Easter similar in my own home.  This year we decided to read from a wonderful board book that tells the story of Easter, starting with Christ's triumphal entry into Jerusalem and ending with his visit to the people in the Americas after his resurrection.  We read a couple pages each day and ended perfectly on Sunday.  After finishing this book I had a very strong desire to take my kids visit the Christus statue at the visitor's center on Temple Square.

Larry and Marilyn were in town again to visit us and we spent two busy, but wonderful days with them on Saturday and Sunday, then met for our traditional pancakes Monday morning.  Afterwards we made our way downtown.  I was so very thankful that Lawrence had taken the day off and was able to drive as the weather was less than ideal (wet, heavy snow).  We made a few stops on our way to Temple Square, then we were off the the North Visitors center.



Mr. E thought that the paintings on the walls up to the Christus were really neat, then he spied the statue.  He walked a few laps around the base, Baby J right behind, then I got down on the floor with them and talked to them about Christ and the nail prints in His hands and feet.  We talked about how we love Jesus and he loves us.  Then we took a family picture with the statue and explored the rest of the visitors center.  Mr. E grew tired of our constant asking him about the subjects in the multitude of paintings on the walls, replying often with "I already told you, it's Jesus!"  We corrected him when he was mistaken, and tried to share the stories portrayed with him.  There soon came a point when it was clear that the boys were done with this activity and we decided to head to the car.

As we crossed Temple Square to the parking garage I followed a little way behind Lawrence and the kids, taking pictures and enjoying seeing my boys walking hand-in-hand in this special place.  As I watched my sweet children point at and admire the temple I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessings of the temple and my family.  I am so very blessed to have a wonderful, hard-working, loving, and kind husband who is sealed to me for all eternity and is determined to keep that covenant.  I am blessed to have two smart, energetic, sweet, silly, and loving boys who love to learn and to play. These boy are also mine for eternity because of the covenants Lawrence and I made in the temple.  I am blessed to have a mortal body that can create and sustain life, despite the discomforts I have experienced in pregnancy.  I am so very blessed to feel this sweet new life growing and moving inside me.  I am also very blessed to have my angel, Ethne, in heaven, who is also mine for all eternity.  These simplest blessings in my life are the ones that make me feel the most blessed, they are the blessings I am most thankful for.

Once upon a time...

A few months ago I expressed concern that my other children wouldn't know Ethne.  Mr. E was so young when the accident happened that he doesn't remember anything and Baby J and new little miss will never know their oldest sister, in this life.  I need them all to know of her, to know who she is and recognize her in pictures.  It makes me feel more like my family is whole.

When my mom saw that post and learned of my concern she called me up with an excellent idea.  As most people know, I have two younger brothers that are adopted.  When G (the older of the two) was still pretty young he started asking questions about where he came from so my mom wrote him a story about how he came to be part of our family.  She suggested that I do the same, write a story about Ethne that we could read with our kids.

So I set to work.  I started looking at printing companies that I knew would allow me to put together my own picture book.  And I got stumped.  Most of the companies had a minimum page number that I knew I wouldn't be able to meet and/or required too many pictures per page.  So I turned to social media and my friends gave some great suggestions.  I tried a few of their ideas and landed at the Walmart photo center, where I was able to choose a template, and then edit it as I pleased, it only required one picture per page, and the minimum page count was do-able.

So I got to work.  I chose pictures that I thought were good representations of Ethne, her spunk, her love, her beauty, and even her not so fun side.  I wanted to be honest about her and her life and not make her seem too perfect, because she wasn't always.  The story came pretty easily.



"Once upon a time a beautiful little girl was born..."  She loved her mom, and dad, and her brother.  She was silly, threw tantrums, and loved everyone she could.  Then there was an accident and she went to heaven.  Because we are an eternal family we will get to see her again, and she can help us when we need her.  I also included the scripture John 13:15.

We gave it to Mr. E for Christmas.  He loves it.  He pretty much has it memorized and likes to take it to church and read it at bed time.  I cry every time I read it.  Baby J reads it with us too and has started to recognize Ethne, it makes my heart happy.

Housekeeping

So it has been a while... again.  Let's just say that I have been distracted, in a good way.

We have had many big blessings come our way in the last few months.

Lawrence was working in a retail management job that wasn't treating him very well.  He was promised that he'd only have to work one Sunday a month and it wound up being nearly every Sunday, every month.  He was also working 60+ hours every week and not getting paid any kind of overtime because he was salaried.  We missed him at home and he missed us.  He was also uncomfortable with some of his working conditions, so he started looking around and found something that suits him much better.  The new company he is with is closed on Sundays, so he is home and gets to go to church with us every week. He is also only working 40-45 hours each week and they treat the employees much better.  He started this new job just a few days before Ethne's birthday.  He is much happier with his work, and we are much happier to have him around more.

J's HD remains under control and he is very healthy.  We have adjusted our diet to include more high fiber foods, to help keep J's tummy happy, such as whole wheat and it has helped all of us be a little healthier.  We were a little concerned about his lack of verbal communication for a while, but his vocabulary has recently taken off and he loves yelling at everyone to stop doing things he doesn't like.  Mr. E has also ben very healthy this winter and we feel very lucky that none of us has been hit with any of the really bad illnesses that go around this time of year.






We've been lucky to have some fun visits with Lawrence's parents in the last few months.  In October we went up to Idaho to be with Eliza when she went through the temple for her mission and also for a cousin's wedding.  Then, just two weeks later Marilyn and Larry were back in Utah to take Eliza to the MTC.  Just before Christmas we spent Lawrence's birthday with them.  We had a great dinner at Texas Roadhouse then birthday presents for him and Baby J, and quick Christmas gifts as well.  Then they flew out to visit Heidi's family in Maryland for Christmas and we saw them when they came back.  Each time they were in town we met for breakfast at a local restaurant and now Mr. E asks to go get pancakes with "Grandma and Grandpa with the kitties" on a weekly basis.  It has been wonderful to see them and spend so much time with them in the last several months.

Last, but certainly not least, on Sept. 21 we found out that there will be a new minion joining our family sometime about June 2.  For several weeks Mr. E was convinced that there was not just one, but two babies in mommy's tummy, but an ultrasound quickly put that to bed and showed only one tiny baby kicking around in there.  On Jan. 12 I was able to have another ultrasound and we found out the gender of the baby.  We are all very excited, especially Mr. E, that this new baby is a GIRL!  I feel her moving quite a bit now and Mr. E loves to kiss and hug my belly and talk to his new sister (J is pretty clueless) and he loves to tell anyone who asks all about her.

We have been feeling very blessed to be busy and happy.

Hiatus

It' been a while.

It's not that things have been particularly busy, more that I've struggled to find words to express the things I've wanted to say.  I'm still struggling.  In spite of that I know it is time to post something.

Ethne's birthday is in two weeks.  It's a day I look forward to and dread at the same time.  I'm excited for our service activities and to hear from others about what they are doing to love and serve others, but I'm also saddened that I am facing another (of many) birthdays for my Princess who is not physically here.

As I contemplate the acts of service we will participate in this year and the "celebration" I can't help but think about my boys.  I so want them to know their sister.  I need for them to understand who she
was, and still is, but they are so young.  Sometimes I feel like I am failing at this.  Mr. E knows who she is in pictures, and we often tell him that she lives with Jesus, which I think has confused him (he often calls Ethne Jesus when identifying her).  When I try to talk to him about her I often wonder if he's listening, or if he's just tuning me out.  And sometimes he changes the subject very quickly on me.  It hurts sometimes.  I try to tell him how much Ethne loves him, and what she did for him, but some times I get the impression that he just doesn't care.  I realize that he is only 4 and that much of this is beyond his comprehension, but that doesn't make it any easier.  I just wish I knew how to help him understand.  Baby J really doesn't understand, but then he doesn't really talk much either, so he can't tell me if he does.  I just need so badly for them to know their sister and I don't know how to help them.  I can only hope that some day they will understand and that these birthdays and angelversaries will come to mean something to them too and not just be days when mommy cries a lot.

I'm still not entirely sure what our 6 acts of love will be this November 11, but I know that they will be healing, in a way.  We will attend the temple, visit the cemetery, and have cake, that much I know.  As for the rest... we will have to see.  Lawrence and I would like to invite everyone who would like to join us in providing 6 acts of love for others during the week of Ethne's birthday.  They don't have to be anything big, things as simple as smiling at someone you wouldn't typically smile at can make a big difference.  We loved hearing about the things others did last year, it was like getting long-distance hugs from those who shared with us, and we will look forward to it again this year.  Help us celebrate the life of Ethne and the love that she so willingly gave and bring some of that love to those around you.  We will be doing the same.

The First Few Days

A little over a year after Baby J's birth I have been reflecting.  I feel like I should share some of the experiences we had in the hospital after his birth and while he was in the NICU for the benefit of others.  Before I share, though, I want to make it clear that I appreciate every doctor and nurse that cared for us during this time.  Despite my frustrations (that will become evident hereafter), they were doing their jobs to the best of their abilities and trying not to make us worry too much.  Doctors and nurses have very difficult jobs and I truly appreciate them for all they do.  I feel I should also warm those who might be squeamish, there's some details about procedures that Baby J endured that might make you squirm.

about 36 hours old

Day 1, Dec. 26:  My water broke in the wee hours of the morning the day after Christmas.  When we arrived they got me right in and hooked up to iv and monitors quickly, when I was ready for my epidural they got the anesthesiologist came as quickly as he could.  He struggled getting the needle into the epidural space because he had me sitting up and my belly was just too big for me to bend enough to make the space big enough, but as soon as I laid down he got it right in.  The nurses were courteous and the delivering doctor was understanding of my special circumstances (not being allowed to push hard or for too long because of my carotid artery).  It was wonderful and very special to be able to hold Baby J immediately after he was born and they let me hold him for what seemed like a long time before they took him to clean and measure him, the even did his first APGAR test while I held him.  After he was cleaned and I was feeling like sitting up Baby J was very eager to eat and latched on right away.  They let him eat to his heart's content before they moved us to the mother baby room.

Day 2: I was anxious to get home, I don't like hospitals and just wanted to have my whole family together.  I figured that since his birth was so uneventful that we would be released in the afternoon/evening.  This was not to be when his pediatrician came to visit and learned that he had not pooped.  She told me that this was one of the requirements for babies to go home, and as disappointed as I was at the time, I now completely understand why.  This is about when problems started popping up.  Baby J had been nursing for short bursts about every 3 hours since his birth, but that suddenly stopped after 24-hours.  He wasn't really waking up to eat and when I tried to get him to nurse he just wasn't interested.  Baby J was gagging occasionally and soon he started spitting up yellow.  The nurses kept telling me that it was all fine as long as it didn't turn green and stayed in small amounts.  This is also when they started taking him to try and stimulate him and get him to go.  As the day progressed he continued to refuse to eat so we tried some other techniques, a nipple shield, pumping and then giving him the bottle, and S and N (nursing with a small tube attached to supplement with formula), and the lactation consultant came for a visit.  Then his spitting up increased and he still wouldn't eat.  The spit up turned green and had flecks of brown in it occasionally, I was very concerned by this point.  Every time he spit I called the nurses who came in and kept telling me (as if I was a first time mom and just didn't know) that spit up was completely normal and that the color was fine.  I kept insisting it was't and they kept trying to downplay my concerns, it was really frustrating.  I finally stopped calling them, they weren't listening to me and they were treating me like I didn't know what I was talking about.  Lawrence and my dad blessed him, I felt a little better.

anderson in his mouth to prevent spit-up iv in hand

Day 3:  They finally decided to do something.  The on-call pediatrician ordered an x-ray of his tummy to try and see what might be causing the problem.  The x-ray showed gas trapped in his bowels and that his colon was narrowed on the left side.  This is when they decided to send him to Primary's and the NICU.  Lawrence was out having a special breakfast with Mr. E.  They rushed back when I called with the news.  They told me that he would have to be transported either in a helicopter or ambulance.  That's when I lost it.  I basically begged the doctor not to send him in a helicopter, my mom was there, she explained why.  He went in an ambulance.  By the time the ambulance and the transport team arrived Baby J was rather dehydrated.  They had a difficult time getting an iv in him, it was really hard to watch them continuously poke my baby boy.  When we got to Primary's they gave us a very quick orientation, showed us how the NICU worked, where the pumping room was and where and how to store milk, then took Baby J for another x-ray.  Mom made me eat, Lawrence went with J.  The second x-ray they injected barium contrast into his bum to see if it would shed light on the situation.  It shed some light, but didn't give a definitive diagnosis.

that's an iv in his head, the one in his hand went bad

Day 4-7:  Were spent waiting.  Holidays tend to slow business processes down and hospitals are no exception, labs were running slower than usual.  J had an iv and a central line that were giving him fluids and nutrition and was having lots of wet diapers.  For about 24-hours after the barium x-ray his body slowly expelled most of the barium, but nothing else.  His nurses in the NICU were very compassionate and so wonderful to us.  We went home every night to sleep in our own bed and to let Mr. E sleep at home as well, he spent most of the days at Grandma and Grandpa's house playing with his uncles.  On day 5 they finally came and performed a biopsy of Baby J's rectum to make a final determination about what was causing his problem.  The results from this took two agonizing days.  Day 7 presented the official diagnosis of Hirschprung's Disease and we were given a plan of action.

Day 8:  Surgery day!  After the biopsy result the surgery resident explained to us that his surgery would be in two parts, one where they would find the "transition zone" where the ganglion nerve cells had formed and place an ostomy then he would have another surgery later to reconnect everything.  I was too dazed to ask the questions I should have asked about why they were doing the surgery in two parts and what the heck an ostomy was.  My mom knew what he was talking about (she was there with me at the time, Lawrence had to work, or had a cold, or maybe both), but I was feeling a little lost.  I wish I had asked.  On surgery day they took my baby to a place I wasn't allowed to go and we had to wait in a room full of other anxious parents.  They couldn't tell us how long the surgery would take because of the nature of it.  The way it worked is the surgeons took cell samples every few centimeters and sent them to be tested for the ganglion cells until they found the transition zone.  The length of the surgery was dependent on how long it took for the pathologists to get the results and how much of his intestine was effected. Lawrence made me eat, the cafeteria had blueberry pancakes and bacon.

Day 9-11:  More waiting.  We did make some friends while in the NICU, other parents with sick babies from all over.  One from Cedar City, another from Vegas.  It was good to have people to talk to during the long, quiet hours holding my baby with all his tubes and wires.  On day 10 they finally let him have milk through an NG tube (nasal gastric, up his nose and down to his belly). Little bits at a time to see how it would effect him and his digestion, gradually increasing until they decided he would be allowed to nurse.  Day 11 they had me do a lot of "teachings" that were required before he could go home.  There was a video on ostomy care and a CPR video, complete with creepy CPR dummy baby that we got to take home.  The wound care nurses also paid us a visit and talked about ordering supplies to take care of his ostomy.  Again, I wish I had asked more questions about what they were ordering for us and why because we wound up with things that we never used.

Day 12:  On our way up to the hospital Baby J's nurse called to ask if I could spend the night with him so they could evaluate how well he was nursing, I also feel like they wanted to check my competency (or something).  We were already half-way there and didn't want to turn around so I could gather supplies, so at lunch time we ran out and picked up a few things I would need for what we thought would be an overnight stay.  The wound care nurses came by again to give us a chance to change his ostomy bag and let us know where the supplies would be coming from, get insurance information, and our mailing address.  The first time changing his bag was nerve wracking, it's difficult to see part of your baby's insides on the outside and you want to be so gentle with them when all the nurse is telling you to do goes somewhat contrary to that.  J was also allowed to actually nurse by this point and he seemed anxious to do so, but was also a little lazy about it.  But he didn't like the bottle either...  Lawrence had to leave us since there wasn't room for us both in the family room and he had to work part of the next day.  I was stuck at the hospital, no car.  At some point during the night Baby J's monitors decided they didn't want to work properly and the computer started panicking and beeping every 5 minutes.  The sweet nurse fixed it, but it only lasted about 12 hours.  J's ostomy bag that I had just learned to replace also sprung a leak.  The night nurse didn't know how to apply a new bag so I got to try it by myself.  I was nervous and it took a couple tries, but I got one on, that promptly sprung a leak a few hours later...

Day 13:  What we thought was supposed to be an overnight stay was actually a 36-hour stay.  I was getting frustrated and anxious.  I didn't like being cooped up in the hospital without a car, I hadn't had a shower and didn't have clean clothes.  Lawrence brought me some clothes and a few other things for the second night.  Some time during the day the nurses got word that one of the former occupants of J's NICU room had tested positive for an antibiotic resistant bacteria and we had to take extra precautions to contain it.  This meant more hand washing and wearing a goofy gown until we were cleared.  This also made me even more anxious to go home.  Fortunately J's new bag stayed on all day.  I didn't sleep well this night because I started having flashbacks and dreams about my stay in the hospital after my car accident.

Day 14:  I was done.  Nurses and doctors had been telling me for days that he would eat better and gain weight better at home, but that he wasn't gaining enough weight yet to clear him to go home.  How contradictory!  I was on the verge of walking out with my baby whether they cleared him or not.  My mom talked some sense into me and told me to explain my frustrations to the doctors.  A lactation consultant and occupational therapist visited to make sure I was nursing properly and that J had a good latch and suck.  They both noted that everything looked great, just that he was a little lazy, and made the same comments about him doing better at home.  When the doctors came by for rounds I put my foot down.  I told them that I needed to take my baby home, that I was having flashbacks, and pointed out contradictory statements.  They made me promise to take him to the pediatrician to be weighed the next day (Friday) and the following Monday for weigh-ins and set up a home health nurse to check in on us too.  Then there was a car seat check to be sure he would breathe fine in the car seat and that the straps were adjusted properly.  We had to wait for Lawrence to get off work at 5, and we were free!

We were so happy to finally have our whole family together under the same roof.  We stopped to pick up Mr. E and my parents also supplied us with dinner.  Baby J was two weeks old and finally home!

Rainbow Baby

A rainbow baby, as defined by Urban Dictionary is a baby born after miscarriage or stillbirth, but most angel mommies define this as any baby born following a loss.  It is a reference to rainbows that form after a storm that bear the promise of brighter days ahead.

Baby J is our rainbow baby.

And what a rainbow he has been.




Sometimes there's a storm and then there's some calm when the sun shines and everything seems good, a rainbow even forms, but then the storm rears its ugly head again.  Baby J's arrival was much like that.

During my pregnancy I struggled both physically and emotionally.  My body was still in recovery mode and I hadn't gotten into as good of shape as I should have.  I had pain in my hips, especially my left hip, that made it difficult to sleep, bend, and even walk sometimes.  But worse than the physical pain was the emotional pain.  I struggled to allow this baby into my heart.  I tried, but it was much, much more difficult than I anticipated.  I knew that this baby was meant for us, that he could help at least put a bandage on my broken heart, but it was still so hard to let him do that.  Until he was born.

I remember the first words I said to/about Ethne, I think I even remember what I said to Mr. E.  I am most certain of the first words I said to Baby J, I sang "Bushel and a Peck" to him.  And in that moment I felt Ethne in the room with us.  I knew that she had escorted her brother into the world, and that she was there to help me open myself up to him.  For that moment the constant ache that started when Ethne passed away abated and was replaced with incredible love and joy.  For that moment all three of by babies were, at least in spirit, on this earth and very present, safe, and happy.  It was far to short-lived, but for a few days it was very easy to reflect on that feeling and to allow my sweet new baby into my heart.  This was the eye of our storm and that sacred, special moment was the biggest, brightest rainbow I have ever experienced.





Then they whisked him away.  Ok, it wasn't so much of a whisking as much as a slow process in which the nurses made me feel like an over-protective, clueless, first-time-mom and the doctors made me worry excessively before they finally determined something was very wrong and that my baby needed more specialized care.  The storm had returned.  Now I was left with an aching for my baby that was sick along with the permanent ache of grief for Ethne.  He was blessed, tested, poked, and monitored more times than I can remember.  When he was finally diagnosed a small weight was lifted from my shoulders, the storm lightened a little.  But my baby still had to endure surgery and recover.  Two very long weeks after his birth my Baby J was able to come home.  The storm was over and the rainbow was cast, nearly as bright as the rainbow at his birth.

I am so very much in love with my sweet, happy, and gentle baby boy.  I am so grateful for the experiences we have had with him, the bad and the good.  He is such a special and brave boy that has blessed our family in so many ways.  He is a miracle, in more ways than one, just like a rainbow after a storm.  His smile lights up a room.  His beautiful red hair and blue eyes, just like his sister's, draw everyone he meets in.  I am so very, very thankful for my rainbow baby, not only once, but twice!

Happy birthday, sweet Baby J.  Thank you for being our rainbow!

A Year in Review

My family never sent out an annual Christmas card, and I've yet to get into the habit.  So instead of mailing out a card I'll just write one here.

Our family has had one heck of a year with a new baby, surgeries, broken bones, and lots of new adventures.  Here's a little of what we've been up to.

This year started out with a scary diagnosis of Hirschprung's Disease for our newest addition, Baby J.  Before the diagnosis we knew nothing of this disease, but now I'd say that we know quite a bit and continue to learn more every day.  Baby J had a surgery to allow his intestines time to heal and his little body time to grow with a colostomy before he was given a pull-through surgery to allow his body to function in a more normal manner.  Since coming home from the NICU Baby J has been growing non-stop.  He is by far our chubbiest baby and we don't mind one bit.  He has such a fun personality!  He enjoys reading, playing, eating, and singing, but (unless he's tired or it's bed time) he isn't a super snuggle bug.  He sports the same red hair and blue eyes as his sister and has been a wonderful addition to our little family.






Mr. E has had a big year too.  This year he passed his sister in age and turned 3 and also got potty trained!  With the addition of Baby J he became a big brother, something he struggled with in the beginning, but is really coming into the roll well now.  He enjoys helping with Baby J, and sometimes tries to be another parent to him.  He has really enjoyed nursery and started going to a preschool group with some other kids in our neighborhood.  He loves school and asks to go every week.  He is looking forward to Sunbeams next year (I can't believe I will finally have a Sunbeam!) and already knows many primary songs.  His best buddies are his uncles, G and I, but he also has friends in preschool and nursery that he likes to play with.  Mr. E loves to swim, play games, read stories, snuggle, and be outside.  He enjoys visiting Ethne at the cemetery, but I think that's mostly because he usually gets to play at the park afterwards.  He loves anything furry, to the point of near abuse, and we wonder why our dog is always so happy to see him in the morning.  This boy sure keeps us on our toes with his quick wit and goofy imagination and we love every minute of it!

Lawrence keeps busy managing a Payless Shoe store.  He also plays with a band, Rythym Junction.  They released a CD this spring (you can find it on Amazon and iTunes) and are currently working on recording another one to be released some time next year.  He also still plays with the community symphony and other free-lance gigs when his schedule allows.  He enjoys his calling as a primary teacher, teaching the 7-8 year-olds and attending their baptisms.




I have had a busy year, keeping up with two crazy boys and our dog.  I started the year with a good number of flute students, but they all fell away during the summer.  At the end of the summer I had a small disagreement with a baby gate and some stairs and broke my right arm--it is healed and I am working on getting full range of motion back, but rest assured that I can play my flute.  When school started back up a local high school teacher recruited me to help with an army of sophomore flute players that descended on his band program this year--17 of them, in one class!  We split them up into two flute choirs and are preparing for their first concert coming up in a couple weeks.  It has been fun to be in a classroom again and working with these talented young women.  I also recently started a new blog of tips and resources for musicians and music teachers.  In October I took on the task of teaching Mr. E's preschool group and hosted a Halloween party for the cute kiddos and their mommies.  Somehow I have lucked-out and both boys take a long afternoon nap at the same time that gives me time to clean, sew, craft, blog, or sometimes even sleep!  I am so grateful for my husband who supports our family so I can be home to raise our boys, I definitely got the better end of that deal.

I am certain that Ethne continues to watch over us.  There are times when I can feel her presence very strongly.  For her birthday this year we invited friends, family, and strangers to participate in 5 acts of service in her memory.  It was a busy day and we could certainly feel the love of Ethne and of others as they participated in our challenge.

It has been a busy and productive year for all of us and we look forward to all the next year will bring.  We hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and New year!

How we celebrate

It may seem odd to those looking in, but we still celebrate Ethne's birthday every year.  It is a day for us to remember her and celebrate all the things we have learned from her short life and since.

I've mentioned that we use it as a day to celebrate our eternal family by attending the temple.  Many are aware of the service challenge we issued this year.  But we also do things Ethne enjoyed, we have cake, balloons, and sing "Happy Birthday."  This year Mr. E and I watched "Tangled," he picked it, he likes the "I Have a Dream" song, and it hit me particularly hard (more on that another time).  Then we all had chocolate toast for lunch.  I try to do something special that she would have liked with her cake, just as I do for my boys.  Last year it was a minion, this year I tried to make a butterfly out of cupcakes.  I also make sure to get a flavor that she would have enjoyed, this year it was red velvet and strawberry cheesecake (they screamed at me from the shelf that they were what Ethne would want).  There is a park next to the Herriman cemetery where Ethne rests, we meet there with any family that can and have cake.    Then we head over to the cemetery, leave balloons and often a small gift at her headstone, blow kisses, and send balloons to her in Heaven.  We also try to have a dinner that Ethne might have requested, after Lawrence and I got home from the temple and the boys were in bed we had one of Ethne's favorites, "cocorn" (popcorn).




Another way we remember is by looking through some of Ethne's special things that we keep in her chest.  Yesterday got a bit busy with service and celebrating so we didn't get to spend the time that we like to spend.  But while we ate our popcorn and Lawrence and I snuggled we did so under Ethne's quilt that Grandma Stone made for her, and hugged her "ephant."  We talked about Ethne and remembered her together.


It really was a wonderful day and I am thankful it was so full of so much goodness.  I know it's a few days late, but happy birthday, Princess!

Birthday Wishes

Here are some of the acts of service some of our friends and family have participated in to honor Ethne:

We are doing operation Christmas child through Samaritan's Purse for 1 boy and 1 girl ages 5-9. In honor of Ethne. Love you guys!♡

I didn't do anything very special, but I did rescue a dog who was wandering around the streets, bring it home and then find his owners and return him. I also babysat for a couple who are pregnant- I didn't accept payment. They needed a date before the new baby came. I unplugged a single mom's sink, and I sent out a card to my aunt for thanksgiving. My last act of service, today, is smiling. I'm going to smile at everyone I see today. :)

Hello :)

We all really thought a lot about what we wanted to do for service.  We all came up with something that we felt made us think of Ethne and something that would carry her sweet spirit beyond just today.

We decided to make bracelets that will be donated to Shade Tree (battered women and children's shelter) and Child Haven.  When children are removed from their homes (for various reasons) these bracelets are given to them by police officers, fire fighters, and Child Protective Services.  The bracelets are something they can call their own and something that brightens their day.  We will also be donating some to the troops to pass out to children who are victims of bombings in war torn countries.  Our goal was for each of us to make 5 tonight for Family Home Evening.  It was such a great night with an amazing spirit!! The kids loved it and I had to force them to stop and go to bed.  We have 30 bracelets and the kids think they can easily double that number tomorrow.  Thanks for giving us the inspiration we needed to get the service ball rolling!!  I know the bracelets will be loved!!

I have a lady in my neighborhood that needs childcare, but can't pay for it. I am a licensed in-home daycare provider. I am providing her with free child care for 3 months in honor of your Ethne

We think of Ethne many times and in many different ways but it has been special to think of her as I have helped the missionaries with special tasks and concerns the last few days and today.  I won't list them but now I will always think of Ethne in connection with service, helping others.  Ethne will always have a special place in our family and we look forward to being with her again.  I like to think that she is able to be with us at special times.  

And a few blogs:

http://elizasownlittleworld.blogspot.com/2014/11/on-this-very-special-day.html

http://mylife-plana.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-day-for-remembering.html

http://kathrynlesliestone.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-special-day-of-remembrance.html

More tomorrow.

Ethne's 5th

With Ethne's birthday fast approaching I would like to make a request.  Each birthday that we miss we have felt a hole.  We miss buying presents and throwing a party for our Princess.  We visit the cemetery, have cake and ice cream, and send her balloons, but without her smiling face and happy hugs it's just not the same.

Ethne loved everyone and loved to show people how she loved them.  So with this in mind we would like to ask a favor.  In order to better celebrate Ethne's 5th birthday, and to better feel her presence we would like to invite anyone who would like to participate to preform 5 acts of service in the week leading up to and on her birthday, November 11.

We will be serving also and will make a post about it after her birthday.  We would love to share your stories too.  So, if you feel so inclined as to participate in our week of birthday service please take pictures and email us with your stories and we will share them too.  lmeestone@gmail.com  Thank you for helping us make this birthday for Ethne an Ethne kind of day by showing love to those around you!

10:20 am

Sweet Ethan returned to the loving arms of his Father in Heaven this morning. My heart breaks for the loving family he has left behind but I am also so very grateful for temples and eternal families.

Christmas Eve

Last night was Christmas eve for the VanLeuven family.  And what a night it was!  Follow the link and be sure to watch all four videos, but if you only watch one, watch the 10pm video and listen to the sweet things Merrill says to Ethan about Christmas.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=32083427#oowaOauefpIcMA8A.01

Yesterday and Today

A week ago I asked for help with a semi-secret project and I'd like to now share that project.  A week ago is when we found out about Ethan and his prognosis.  About a week before that my mom asked me to help her contact people and ask them to help us shower Ethan with birthday cards.  When we learned that his time was limited we knew we had to act quickly.  So we both posted to Facebook (blocking his parents and other family from seeing the posts) and asked for birthday cards to be sent to us to deliver to Ethan.  Over the weekend I collected several cards which we delivered on Sunday.  Over the next few days I collected even more cards, about two dozen that I took to Ethan on Wednesday so he would have them for his birthday celebration on Thursday.  I'm am happy to report that the cards continue to roll in and I will continue to deliver them as long as they keep coming.  I feel blessed to be able to help in this smallest of ways and to make these days just the tiniest bit brighter for Ethan and his wonderful family.

The story has gone national!

http://www.today.com/video/today/56292584#56292584

See his birthday celebration here (make sure to watch all 4 videos):

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?sid=32074766&nid=147&title=utahns-celebrate-holidays-with-terminally-ill-boy-for-the-last-time&fm=home_page&s_cid=topstory

At the end of the day

At the end of the day I am tired and usually at the end of my rope-- patience is running low, children are cranky and uncooperative, dishes are piled up in the sink, and often Lawrence isn't home to help (managing retail often calls for unfortunate working hours).  But, somehow this is my favorite time of the day.

Mr. E Starts by picking up his toys while I pick up after Baby J.  Then the real battle begins, it's a fight to get him to go potty, a fight to get him up to his room, a fight to get him to take his clothes off, pick pajamas, etc., etc.  Sometimes I get a little short with him while we battle about these rather insignificant details, but after the battle comes the part that always makes up for it.  After Mr. E has taken care of his hygiene, changed into jammies, and has settled down a little from the day we sit in a rocking chair and read a story.  This is our time-- just Mommy and Mr. E.  Usually we read Curious George, sometimes it's a Junior story, or something else.  He snuggles his little red head into my shoulder, grabs a fistful of hair, and we read.  I often stop to ask about colors, shapes, numbers, animals, or other details (mostly in the pictures).  He answers my questions and also points out details he likes, as well as asks questions.  After his story Mr. E says his prayer, then crawls jumps into his stuffed animal filled bed.  Then we sing.  He gets 5 songs.  Nearly every night he chooses "I am a Child of God," "I Often go Walking," "Families Can be Together Forever," and some theme song from "Phineas and Ferb," there's rarely any variation.  Sometimes he sings along, but most the time he is content to let me do all the singing.  The last part of the night is even better than the rest of it combined.  This is when Mr. E climbs into my lap, wraps his arms around my neck and I sing "A Bushel and a Peck."  He gives me  an excellent hug, a kiss (on the lips), Tells me that he loves me, then climbs back into his bed as I turn out the light.

Once Mr. E is read to, sung to, and "in bed" it's Baby J's turn.  He doesn't put up a fight (yet).  He gets a new diaper, jammies, and some warm milk, then I also read to him.  His stories are much shorter and he doesn't hold still as well, but he also tends to grab a fistful of hair.  There are no questions and answers-- instead there's wrestling the book away from grabby hands that just want to pull it into his mouth.  Then we sing too.  Baby J only gets one or two songs and, you guessed it, "Bushel and a Peck" is always on the list.  We rock, snuggle, and I sing into his ear (which often makes him giggle),   then I kiss him about a dozen times, put him in his bed, and turn out the light.

Some nights I cry.  Every night I revel in the fact that I have been blessed with another day with these sweet, rambunctious, and smart boys.  Every night I take time to thank my Father in Heaven for the blessing of my boys and of the day we have had, and to ask for more days to spend with my Mr. E and Baby J.  I treasure this time I get to spend, one on one with each of my boys.  I am reminded of how special they are and this is the perfect ending to each of my not so perfect days.  No matter how frustrating, busy, productive or unproductive the day, at the end of it I am always grateful that it happened.

My Nemesis

The stairs...

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a clumsy streak.  I blame this on genetics.  Stairs and I have never been the best of friends.  I fall down them, trip up them, and otherwise don't always get along with them.  Why this didn't cross my mind when we were looking at (and purchasing) a house I'm not sure, because things might have gone a little differently had I thought about my never ending conflict with stairs.  But it didn't really cross my mind and we purchased a house with a lot of stairs.  Don't get me wrong, I love our house, and I love our ward and neighbors even more-- I just have a love/hate relationship with stairs... all of them.

About a month ago I was carrying a pack and play down the stairs and took a wrong step, on the second step down.  I took a not so nice bouncy ride down the stairs and found myself bruised and walking funny for a few days.  To be honest, I feel lucky that it took me so long, while living in our house, to take such a tumble down the stairs.  I was also feeling lucky that I wasn't carrying Baby J at the time.

Last Friday (Aug. 15) I had another encounter with the stairs that did not end quite as well.  I was doing something that wasn't so smart.  I was trying to get some things cleaned and organized and in the process I had found several items that needed to go to the basement.  I didn't want to make a whole bunch of trips up and down the stairs so I was stacking stuff on the top step to the basement.  As I did so I leaned over the baby gate at the top of the stairs.  I thought to myself that I shouldn't be leaning over the gate like I was.  Just as that thought left my mind, said baby gate gave way and I went with it, head first, down the stairs.  Baby J and Mr. E were playing contentedly in the family room, so neither of them were in danger of getting hurt or coming along for the ride.  About half-way down I heard a lovely snap and before I knew it I was in a painful heap at the bottom of the stairs.  A quick self assessment told me that my head and neck were both fine and that the snap had come from my right arm.  I sat myself up, let loose a scream or two and gingerly placed my obviously broken right arm on my lap.  I found my phone a few steps up as Mr. E made his way down the debris littered stairs to me.  "Mommy, you fell.  Mommy, are you ok?  Mommy, you're crying..."  Yes, yes, yes...  My possessed phone was refusing to make an outgoing call.  I shut it off, "Mommy, your phone died."  Turned my phone back on and hefted myself to my feet with another scream.  Got to the top of the stairs and on the floor near Baby J, phone finally rebooted.  Try to call Mom, no answer, great.  Dad, no answer, shoot.  Try to call Lawrence at work, call is interrupted by Dad returning my call, possessed phone freaks out, hang up.  Dad calls back, "I fell down the stairs and broke my arm come take me to the ER."  Hang up, call Lawrence.  He feels helpless, tells me to call Sarah.  Call Sarah, she comes right over.  Meanwhile Baby J is upset because I'm upset so I somehow finagled him onto my lap.  Sarah made it over with another neighbor hot on her heels.  Sarah took J and started getting him food, second neighbor got E's swim trunks and took him to Sarah's house where there was a party going on, complete with a water slide.  Then the husbands showed up, and they gave me a blessing.  This helped calm me some.  Finally Mom and Dad showed up.  Mom took me to the ER, dad stayed with the kids.  Then it got boring.

We waited for an X-ray to tell us how bad the break was and if it would need surgery or could just be set.  Then we waited for the orthopedic doctor to come set it.  Some time during the waiting Lawrence got an employee to come in so he could leave work and be with me.  Then Mom got a call asking where my baking soda was, my youngest brother had been stung by a wasp, three times...  Mom left to attend to swelling post stings.  The orthopedist finally came with a team of doctors to put me out while he set my arm.  According to Lawrence I kept telling Mr. E to get off me, that he was hurting me, during the procedure.  They set the bone, splinted my arm and we waited some more, this time for the sleepy drugs to wear off and for the doctor to discharge me.  We didn't get home until 1 am...

On Monday I went back for more X-rays to see if the bone had shifted and to cast my arm.  Fortunately it was a clean break, it set well, and didn't shift, so I didn't need surgery!

Lesson learned, don't lean over baby gates.  I can laugh at it all now, so you can too.

Big Brother

I remember when Mr. E was born.  In the hospital Ethne was more concerned with eating pretzels than her brother, but she let us lay him on her lap to take a picture.  After we brought him home Ethne slipped easily into the roll of big sister.  She wanted to hold the baby, kiss the baby, and help with the baby.  She would fetch diapers, give him his binki, play with him, and just wanted to be the best big sister she could be.  Ethne loved her baby so much.





When Baby J was born Mr. E also visited in the hospital.  He also wasn't sure what to think of this new thing.  He didn't want to hold Baby J and he couldn't figure out why mommy kept trying to get him to.  He was also a bit jealous, whichever parent was holding Baby J, Mr. E wanted to be held by that same parent.  He kept climbing up on the hospital bed to be with me, if I handed Baby J off to Lawrence Mr. E would climb in his lap.  He did try to share fruit snacks with Baby J, which was very sweet.  Then Mr. E didn't get to see Baby J for 2 weeks because he wasn't allowed in the NICU (flu and respiratory season).  Splitting the time was so hard, but that's a whole other can of worms.  Mr. E stayed with his grandparents and was very well cared for, but it was hard for him to understand where and why mommy and daddy were all the time.  After we brought Baby J home Mr. E really wanted nothing to do with him.  We tried to get Mr. E to hold Baby J, to hug him, kiss him, play with him... Mr. E just wasn't interested.  For a long time Mr. E just played around Baby J, barely acknowledging his existence.  Rarely he would surprise me by asking to hold Baby J, or giving him a kiss.  In the last month or so Mr. E has started to help with Baby J, bringing him toys, talking to him, even holding him sometimes.  The other night I was putting Mr. E to bed and Baby J was with us, I sat Baby J next to me so I could give Mr. E a hug and kiss.  Baby J tipped over and start crying.  Mr. E was immediately concerned and wanted to kiss Baby J's bonk better-- made me tear up a little.  He has really started to step into the roll of big brother and it makes me so happy.  I so look forward to the day that they play together, fight, make massive messes, and lots of noise.

It makes me a little sad that Mr. E never got to that point with his sister, that he hasn't known the joys and frustrations of a sibling yet.  But he will, with Baby J.  I hope that they will enjoy each other more than they don't, that they will be best friends and stick up for each other.  I hope that they will learn to embrace other siblings they may have and know that they are stuck with each other forever and that they will love it (or at least learn to).  I am so thankful that Mr. E has accepted Baby J and is starting to be his big brother.