Baby 36

My newest little cousin was born last night.  He makes a total of 36 cousins on that side of the family.  I won't go into details because I don't have permission from his mommy, but he could sure use some prayers and this is one of the best places I know to go when I need to ask for them.  Please pray for this precious little boy and his mommy (and the rest of his family) for me.  Thank you!

Baby J update

I haven't updated about Baby J in a while...

When Baby J was born and when he was diagnosed with HD we were so scared.  Scared that his HD would be worse than it is, scared that he would have other problems, and scared that he would not gain weight and grow as he should.  Facing a rare disease, or really anything new is scary.

I am happy to report that we feel very blessed.  Over the last 11 months we have watched Baby J learn and grow.  He has hit his milestones within the prescribed time, though admittedly a little slower than his older siblings.  Since being released from the hospital after his surgeries he hasn't had problems gaining weight.  He is happy, he is healthy, he is a squishy chunk of baby.

We watch him grow and feel a mix of happy and sad.  We want him to stay the squishy baby he is, but we are happy that he is doing so well.  After he was diagnosed we started to look at stories from other kids with HD and found that many of them struggle with a myriad of issues including poor weight gain, lots of infections, lots of food allergies or intollerances, chronic constipation, and others.  We feel so blessed that we haven't had to deal with many of these.

Yes, there are foods we avoid or haven't even tried to feed him in an effort to steer clear of some of these issues, and we are always on alert for others-- but it really is a miracle that Baby J is doing so great.  He eats better than his brother, he sleeps well, he army crawls faster than some trained soldiers, and, of course, he poops well too.  We celebrate every blow-out diaper, we relish each chubby roll of baby fat, and work for his bright smiles and contagious giggle.  I have never met a child who loves the game Peek-a-Boo as much as he does and he hates "This Little Piggy," it makes him cry.  He has taught us patience, perseverance, and the power of prayer and priesthood blessings.  He is truly a gift to our family and we are grateful for him every day!

Our acts of love

We issued the challenge, so it is only fair that we follow through and participate in it too.  We performed 5 acts of love to celebrate for our princess.  It made the day one of goodness and sharing rather than of sadness and mourning.  These acts of service and love helped us feel Ethne close to us and made a hard day much easier.  So here's what we did:

1.  Considering that Ethne's birthday falls on Veterans' day (a U.S. holiday to celebrate and thank all those who serve and have served in the armed forces) we thought it would be appropriate to do something for the troops.  I heard about an organization that sends care packages to those serving abroad and thought that would be a great way to go.  This organization collects leftover Halloween candy and puts it into care packages for the service men and women.  They also request hygiene items such as toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, mouthwash, etc. along with the packages of candy.  So we gathered up our leftover candy, the majority of Mr. E's stash, and the traded candy from my younger brothers (they got legos instead) to make a total of 12.5 pounds of candy!  Then I added some dental floss and some mouthwash strips (those Listerine things that clear your sinuses for a week), packaged it all up and sent it off on Monday.  Added bonus-- we don't have all that candy sitting around to hinder our efforts to eat healthier.

2.  If you read this blog regularly then you know about little Ethan who recently passed away after a very long battle with Leukemia.  What you may not know is that his sweet mom is pregnant with baby #7 and is due at the end of the month.  I remember what it was like after Ethne passed (granted our situations are different).  There were days, especially after the help quit coming, that I just didn't want to get out of bed, much less think about making dinner.  I knew that my family needed to eat, but when you are grieving it is sometimes difficult to even think about the necessities.  Those were the days that I was most grateful for my sweet aunts, grandmother, and mother who had gotten together shortly after the accident and made me a whole bunch of freezer meals-- I had so many that there wasn't room in my freezer for them all and I had to store some at my parents' house.  I also very recently had a baby and remember well the exhaustion and busyness of a new baby.  Pair the two together and I'm not sure what I would have done.  With all this in mind I got to work and put together a handful of freezer meals for Ethan's family.  It really didn't take me long to get them all together, but I'm sure it will save Ethan's mom lots of time in the future when she is too tired to even think.  I dropped those off to her yesterday morning.  We were able to have a nice, short talk and give each other a hug that said more than any dinners ever could.  I am so grateful to know Ethan and his family and so thankful that I had the opportunity to help them in this small way.

3.  This is something I do kind of regularly, but it has been a few months since the last time I have done it and we thought it very appropriate to take bracelet sets up to Primary Children's on Ethne's birthday.

4.  This is another something that Lawrence and I do regularly, and have done every year on Ethne's birthday since she passed away, but still, it is service, and some of the best service we can give.  Shortly after Ethne's passing we determined to make her birthday a day to celebrate out eternal family rather than a day to be sad.  Yes we miss Ethne terribly, and days like her birthday can be more difficult than other days, but we try.  We gather as much of our family as we can and go participate in an endowment session at the temple.  We also encourage our family that is far away to participate in their nearest temple.  The temple is one of the places we can feel Ethne's spirit best, so we especially feel it is an appropriate place to go on her birthday.  We also know that we are helping others who have passed before us and that we are helping Ethne as she is teaching and serving others on the other side of the veil (to learn more about LDS temples just click).  This year we were able to attend with my (Melissa's) parents and paternal grandmother.  We were sad that more weren't able to attend with us, but understood that work schedules can be hard to get around.  The session was made sweeter when my sister, Jessica's, brother and his wife were also in attendance and Lawrence's dad's cousin and her husband were also there.  It was really neat to see extra friends and family there, even if they didn't really know the significance of the day for us.

5.  Last, but certainly not least, we purchased gifts that we would have given Ethne and donated them
to the Road Home in Salt Lake.  I probably should have planned a little better as this didn't go over quite the way I had hoped for it to, but it was good nonetheless.  We purchased an outfit, a couple toys, and also took a bracelet set.  We hope that the girl(s) who receive these items can feel as loved and as special as Ethne is to us.

We took our boys along with us on all of these projects, except for the temple, and I hope that they can see us serving others and learn to serve as well.  We did make sure that Mr. E knew we were going to the temple and why we were going, he really wanted to go with us so we promised him that he could go when he is older and that we would take him to walk around the temple soon.

One last note:  I cannot take full credit for this challenge.  Several months ago my mom saw someone ask for acts of service for their birthday.  She called me and suggested that we try the same kind of thing for Ethne's birthday.  I'll admit that I had been thinking about our family doing service on her birthday this year, but I hadn't thought about inviting others to join us.  So I just have to say thank you to my mom for the suggestion, it really turned out well!

P.S. This is an official heads up, start planning 6 acts of service for next year.

At the end of the day

At the end of the day I am tired and usually at the end of my rope-- patience is running low, children are cranky and uncooperative, dishes are piled up in the sink, and often Lawrence isn't home to help (managing retail often calls for unfortunate working hours).  But, somehow this is my favorite time of the day.

Mr. E Starts by picking up his toys while I pick up after Baby J.  Then the real battle begins, it's a fight to get him to go potty, a fight to get him up to his room, a fight to get him to take his clothes off, pick pajamas, etc., etc.  Sometimes I get a little short with him while we battle about these rather insignificant details, but after the battle comes the part that always makes up for it.  After Mr. E has taken care of his hygiene, changed into jammies, and has settled down a little from the day we sit in a rocking chair and read a story.  This is our time-- just Mommy and Mr. E.  Usually we read Curious George, sometimes it's a Junior story, or something else.  He snuggles his little red head into my shoulder, grabs a fistful of hair, and we read.  I often stop to ask about colors, shapes, numbers, animals, or other details (mostly in the pictures).  He answers my questions and also points out details he likes, as well as asks questions.  After his story Mr. E says his prayer, then crawls jumps into his stuffed animal filled bed.  Then we sing.  He gets 5 songs.  Nearly every night he chooses "I am a Child of God," "I Often go Walking," "Families Can be Together Forever," and some theme song from "Phineas and Ferb," there's rarely any variation.  Sometimes he sings along, but most the time he is content to let me do all the singing.  The last part of the night is even better than the rest of it combined.  This is when Mr. E climbs into my lap, wraps his arms around my neck and I sing "A Bushel and a Peck."  He gives me  an excellent hug, a kiss (on the lips), Tells me that he loves me, then climbs back into his bed as I turn out the light.

Once Mr. E is read to, sung to, and "in bed" it's Baby J's turn.  He doesn't put up a fight (yet).  He gets a new diaper, jammies, and some warm milk, then I also read to him.  His stories are much shorter and he doesn't hold still as well, but he also tends to grab a fistful of hair.  There are no questions and answers-- instead there's wrestling the book away from grabby hands that just want to pull it into his mouth.  Then we sing too.  Baby J only gets one or two songs and, you guessed it, "Bushel and a Peck" is always on the list.  We rock, snuggle, and I sing into his ear (which often makes him giggle),   then I kiss him about a dozen times, put him in his bed, and turn out the light.

Some nights I cry.  Every night I revel in the fact that I have been blessed with another day with these sweet, rambunctious, and smart boys.  Every night I take time to thank my Father in Heaven for the blessing of my boys and of the day we have had, and to ask for more days to spend with my Mr. E and Baby J.  I treasure this time I get to spend, one on one with each of my boys.  I am reminded of how special they are and this is the perfect ending to each of my not so perfect days.  No matter how frustrating, busy, productive or unproductive the day, at the end of it I am always grateful that it happened.

A Post I Have Been Thinking About for a Long Time, Featuring Robin Williams

When I was about 15 years old I earned my Eagle Scout award.  My mom wanted me to get it before I turned 16 because she was worried that if I waited that long I might not get.  Upon completion we arranged my Eagle Court of Honor and sent out some announcements to family and friends.  Unbeknownst to me, my mother had found the addresses of a few other people to send invites to.  I believe it was right after my court of honor that my mom came to me with a stack of letters to open.  The majority were cards of congratulation from all of the living US presidents - including Bill Clinton (who was president at that time).  Even though I haven't agreed with all of them, I truly still appreciate their responses, even of they were generic.  But there were two others that were included that I couldn't wait to brag about to my friends.  One was a letter from Dave Thomas - the founder of Wendy's, and the other included an autographed picture that said, "To Lawrence, Congratulations!  -Bob Hope" I was hoping to put a picture of it on here but it's still at my parents house apparently.  Growing up I loved listening to comedians.  I would retell their jokes and learn their routines.  I even remember doing a pantomime from Red Skelton for a talent show in Elementary School.  Skelton and Hope were hands down my two favorites.

In college, I began making it a habit to get the autographs of performers I was able to meet.  People I admired like Byron Stripling, Brian Bromberg, Wycliff Gordon, The Bar-J Wranglers, and others.  The wall in our bedroom shows about half of them right now.

When Melissa was pregnant with Ethne, we attended a Brian Bromberg concert at BYU-Idaho.  One of the things we asked him to sign was a poster for our unborn daughter.  He very graciously did and we were proud to have gotten Ethne her first piece of "Swag."  We keep that poster in her memory chest.

After she died I was looking for ways to help keep her memory alive, while trying to bring some happiness into our home.  I found a website online that had a list of celebrity addresses and decided, in secret, to take some of the case sleeves of Ethne's favorite movies and get them autographed in her honor.

I came up with different variations of a letter that I sent out to each actor (trying to personalize each one) and included a return address so they could send them back.  I don't remember who responded the fastest but I think it was Zachery Levi with our Tangled sleeve.  It even said, "Love & Blessings.  You'll be missed."

Shrek 2 was returned because the address for Mike Meyers was incorrect.  Muppet Treasure Island was also returned with a card thanking us for the support, but that Mr. Oz does not respond to personal correspondence.  At least they sent something and gave us back the sleeve.  We were grateful for that.

We also Got back Cars with a signature from Larry the Cable Guy, who also signed it as Mater.  We really thought that was neat.

I think Melissa's favorite had to be from Jodi Benson - the voice of Ariel.  She not only signed the sleeve, but included an additional signed picture of her and returned the letter I sent her.  At the bottom of the letter she said, "I'm incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious daughter.  I can't imagine... May God comfort you both daily - God Bless."  That personal touch really meant a lot to both of us.

The one that I think I was most excited about was our sleeve from Robots.  This is a movie that Ethne loved so much she scratched it and made it unwatchable when she tried to put it in the DVD player herself.  I planned on sending it to a couple actors from the film including Ewan Mcgregor and Drew Carey (another one of my all time favorite comedians), but out of fear of losing it I kept it after one signature - Robin Williams.  The movie sleeve was signed along with another picture and included a generic letter from his office.  I don't know if the signature is really his, but I also won't allow anyone to convince me otherwise. You see, Robin Williams was another big comedic influence growing up.  Although I was not familiar with how vulgar he could be, I did know that he had a personality that could make anyone laugh.  When I was little I remember waking up in the middle of the night and laying down on the floor by my parents' bed.  To help calm me down from a bad dream, or something, they would turn on Nick-At-Night (It was probably so I would just let them sleep).  I remember two shows that I would watch - Mr. Ed, and Mork and Mindy.  Mr. Williams was one of the first celebrities I could identify.  I remember hearing once that he could be hard to work with on a movie because he was always making everyone laugh.  I remember thinking that I wanted to be like that-- someone who made everyone around him happy.


Upon hearing about his death I was quite saddened.  When I found out it was a suicide, it hurt me.  I don't know what he was going through and I am glad that I don't have to deal with the same pains and sufferings he did.  I view this ending as the greatest tragedy to a life that I admired.  Again, I don't know his whole story, but what I did know I enjoyed.

As I write this next part, I want it to be understood that I personally feel that suicide is never the right path.  It is tragic, selfish, and, if you look at the eternal perspective, it is not a simple way out.  It does have consequences.  That having been said, since Ethne's death I have seen suicide from a different perspective.  Be careful judging someone who chooses this path (Matthew 7).  We don't know what the Lord knows.  While I still know that it is wrong, I also know that God loves us as his children.

After Ethne's death we joined a grievance group that was headed by a man who's boy had committed suicide a few years before.  He talked about suffering with depression that was so strong he had contemplated it himself.  He said that going through that gave him more insight into what his son was going through.

Later on, I met someone who told me about a friend who committed suicide while preparing to go on a mission.  Even though it had happened a little while before, I found myself praying for that family and hoping that they had found strength in the gospel.  I then thought about that boy's situation and prayed for understanding on how God would deal with this situation.  I still don't know, and am very grateful for a Heavenly Father who is both just and merciful who does know, but the following quote did come to my mind:

“The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught a more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God” (Orson F. Whitney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1929, 110).

The Atonement is for all of us.  I don't know what the eternal destiny is for Mr. Williams, all I know is that he and his family are in my prayers.  I pray that they may all come to know the truth.  I even pray that Ethne might even have the chance to help guide someone who was influential to me from my youth.  Many of you, if not all of you, prayed for us when we were first suffering our loss.  Take a moment and pray for the Williams family and any others who are suffering losses and affliction.  They need help just like we did.  I testify to you that it is important.  Never in my life have I felt the strength of the prayers of others like I did when Ethne died.  I literally felt that faith carry us for a long time.  Only 2 other times in my life have I felt that and neither of those times were the feelings as overwhelming as then.

To all of the celebrities that we contacted (or at least tried to) we thank you for your talents and that you shared them with us.  A very special that you to those who responded.  We only had one letter that we never heard back from, and for all we know it was because by the time he was able to get back to us they were no longer forwarding the mail from our apartment we left a little over a year ago.  And to Mr. Williams, we pray for you as we say farewell to someone who I still maintain is/was the greatest cartoon voice artist ever!











-Lawrence

Anything for a Friend +

We have had a pretty incredible weekend, it started on Thursday.  It started with Lawrence miraculously getting two WHOLE days off work, in a row!  He had some gigs at a couple state fairs with a band he has been playing with for a couple years now and needed some time off work for those, as well as to just have some time off with family and to relax.  It was so wonderful to have him home, to spend time with him, to relax, to be together.  Mr. E was so happy to have his "Gru" (each week we get new cartoon character names) home to play with, snuggle with, and otherwise terrorize. I was happy to have extra hands with the boys and Lawrence was just happy to not be at work.  Thursday we went bowling with my brothers and grocery shopping as a family, that night Lawrence headed to the Weber county fair to play with his band.  I stayed home with the boys so they could nap.  Friday we did some laundry, some cleaning, and some packing before heading off to the Salt Lake county fair for another gig.  We all went this time and had fun listening to the band's music and visiting some of the booths, Baby J even got his first (microscopic) taste of a snow cone.  Then it was home to unload musical instruments and load the stroller and bags before heading off to Ogden.  We spent the night in a hotel and had a lot of fun watching Mr. E try to jump from one bed to the other and run around the room.  Then Saturday morning we made our way to Weber State campus bright and not too early for a 5k.

About the 5k:  About two months ago an angel mommy that I'm Facebook friends with posted that she wanted to participate in the Anything for a Friend Fight to the Finish 5k.  She wanted to create a team in honor of her angel and needed at least 25 people to make a team.  We joined the team.  I had been toying with the idea of doing a 5k and getting to meet this angel mommy, Ashley, in person was the icing on the cake for me.  I have been following Ashley's blog for a few years, since before we lost Ethne, and have  admired how she and her husband have handled the tragic loss of their daughter with faith and enduring.  I was looking forward to the event and to meeting and connecting with another angel mom.













The event started with an explanation about how Anything for a Friend was started, what they do, and why we were there.  Then there was a balloon release and the "run" started.  Along the route they put up posters with pictures of the people each team was there in honor of.  Many were cancer patients or survivors, some were for other loved ones, and a few were teams that just wanted to help.  We loaded the boys in the stroller and set about the 3.2 mile walk with a very large group of people, with a team of people we really didn't know.  Ashley and her family were so nice and made us feel welcome, and the kids had a lot of fun running part of the route together.  As we walked I thought about Ethne and how we are fighting to our finish so we can be with here again, I thought about Ashley's angel and her fight, I thought about Baby J and his fight with HD, and I thought about little Ethan-- who is still fighting his leukemia.  They are all heroes in my book and I am grateful that my life has been touched by each of them in one way or another.

While we walked I also thought a lot about answered prayers and blessings, as we just had some big ones fall into our laps...

Earlier this week we received a hospital bill for Baby J's NICU stay.  I won't go into specifics, but let's just say that it was big.  Our insurance for the 4 days of last year Baby J spent in the NICU wasn't very good insurance.  They payed their max allowed amount, but this policy had no out of pocket max and their portion was only drops in the bucket of 4 days worth of NICU expenses.  I was panicking.  But we did apply for some help through the hospital group that runs Primary's and were waiting on a decision, I was told it would probably be made by Friday.  So Friday I called to find out what had been determined.  The man I spoke with on the phone was very nice and told me that a decision had been made that morning.  He asked if I was ready to hear our new balance, I looked for a pen.  He waited patiently while I hunted a pen down, when I said that I couldn't find one he said "I'll just tell you, it's a really easy number to remember."  He then informed me that our entire debt had been forgiven.  I couldn't believe it.  This huge bill, that we would have been paying off for years, had been taken care of.  A huge weight lifted off my shoulders, I was so happy and relieved that I was crying.  Our prayers were heard and answered, we had been immensely blessed.  I am so grateful for such charitable hospitals that took care of my baby, and for a loving Heavenly Father that gave me faith that everything would work out.

I am feeling so thankful that we were able to have this weekend to spend time together and to reflect on so many blessings.

In His time

Apparently I have to keep learning this lesson, that things I want/need happen in the Lord's time and not necessarily in my time.

After high school and upon starting college I was anxious to get married and start a family of my own.  I dated quite a bit and was even engaged at one time, but that didn't work out and I was incredibly disappointed at the time.  But had that worked out I wouldn't have met Lawrence and we wouldn't have the beautiful family we have now.  Marriage didn't work out exactly when I wanted it to, but when I needed it to, and with the person that I need(ed) in my life.  The Lord knew this even though I didn't.  I am beyond grateful for Lawrence and our temple marriage.  He is a hard working provider, a wonderful father, and my best friend.

G and I wrestling

Growing up I was happy with my one brother, but I always thought it would have been fun to have more siblings.  My parents considered adoption when I was younger, but it never felt right to them.  It was finally right when I was a junior in high school and about 18 months later our family was blessed with my brother G.  He is such a great example to my kids and a really proud uncle.  Then they did foster care and went through a handful of children who were eventually reunited with their biological families until I came into our lives.  He is a happy, busy (super, extra busy) boy who fits right in and loves my babies too.  I is also a little younger than Ethne and I'm sure my parents had always thought that their kids would be older than their grandkids, but both Ethne and I joined our family when they were meant to.

When I was pregnant with Ethne my mom found out that she had a tumor on her pituitary gland and would have to have it removed.  Travel was difficult, she was sick, and I was scared and a little helpless to do anything for her.  Ethne was born four days before her due date.  This allowed my parents to come see her and us to visit my parents for Thanksgiving, before my mom had to have her surgery.  It was such a blessing to me to be able to see my mom and for my baby to meet her Grandma.  My mom is fine now and the tumor was benign, but that was a scary time for all of us.  Ethne's birth allowed us time together and gave us something else to think about when we were all consumed with worry about my mom.

Through my entire pregnancy with Baby J I was certain he would come early.  Both my other two were early, so this boded well for me.  I was determined that he would be born before Christmas.  The last month or so I was done.  I was tired, sore, big, and beyond ready to have this baby.  It had been the most difficult of my three pregnancies with some morning sickness, soreness that I hadn't had before, and I was also battling with emotions that I hadn't experienced before.  I prayed that he would come so I could be more comfortable and have less pain.  So when contractions started coming pretty regularly on Dec. 21 I was thrilled.  But it wasn't to be.  After going to the hospital twice in 24 hours only to make very little progress and have the contractions stop, my hopes were dashed all over the floor.  Little did I know that this was a blessing in disguise.  Five days later, on the 26, my water broke and the contractions were unmistakable, Baby J made his entrance.  I was excited to spend as little time in the hospital as possible and take my late Christmas present home to his brother.  But you know how well that worked out.  Again, I was beyond disappointed that my baby was sick and wouldn't be coming home on my schedule.  It was also frustrating to sit around the hospital and wait for the holiday lag to pass so we could get tests done and find out results so we could know what was wrong with our baby.  Had Baby J been born much earlier we would be paying a lot more for his surgeries and hospital stays, also if he had been diagnosed sooner.  Our insurance last year wasn't the best, but it covered enough for the last 4 days of last year that we weren't left with too many out of pocket expenses.  Our insurance that kicked in on January 1 had a reasonable deductible and not too bad of an out of pocket max (both of which we have met).  Had Baby J been diagnosed sooner the other insurance had a higher deductible and no OOPM.  While it meant that I was uncomfortable a few days longer than I really wanted to be Baby J came just when the Lord needed him to come.  Even though there have been a lot of bumps along the way, I'm glad he came when he did and thankful that someone who can see the grand scheme of things knew when his arrival would be best for our family.

I'm sure that I will continue to be taught this lesson, and I will continue to look for the blessings that come from things happening in the Lord's time and not always in mine.

The E Word

Enterocolitis.  From the time Baby J was diagnosed with Hirschprungs Disease doctors and nurses started mentioning this word.  They said we had to be on constant watch for it because it could be deadly.  As if I wasn't worried about enough, having just had a baby and having that baby be diagnosed with a condition that I had never heard of.  Now I had to watch for an infection that could potentially kill my baby.  No one really told me what it was or what caused it, just signs and symptoms to look out for.

We were pretty lucky while Baby J had his colostomy.  We were extremely cautious too.  He didn't go to church, I didn't take him shopping (except in an emergency), and we avoided sick people at all costs.  He never got this dreaded infection.

I finally figured out what this dreaded word means.  Enterocolitis is an infection caused by a build up of bacteria in the intestines and is very common in people with HD, especially babies and young children.  See, your intestines house a lot of bacteria.  Much of this bacteria is good and helps with the digestion process, it is supposed to be there (think probiotics).  But if you get too much of the bacteria, or if bad bacteria doesn't get expelled, it makes you sick.  Enterocolitis can kill the appetite with nausea, cause swelling which can block things up, releases toxins into the blood, and often lands the person in the hospital.  It can be caused by any kind of infection such as flu, colds, ear infections, and common antibiotics (which can cause a build up of yeast in the gut).  The best way to cure it is to clean everything out, which often means other antibiotics, specifically one called Flagyl.  This particular antibiotic basically kills everything, even the good bacteria.  It is hard on the body and apparently tastes awful.  Another way to cure it is to clean things out in a different way, a rather unpleasant way, with washouts or enemas.  If caught early enough this can clean things out without using antibiotics and without a hospital stay.

Baby J has had some follow-up appointments with his surgeon to make sure everything is healing how it should.  At each appointment I have been admonished to watch out for this unpleasant infection.  At his most recent appointment I was given equipment to perform the washouts.  She instructed me that, should Baby J get so much as a cold or should have to take antibiotics for anything (including flagyl) that we would have to do washouts to prevent enterocolitis.

The weekend before this appointment Baby J had been having a small fever, diarrhea, and vomitting.  I was getting worried as these are signs of the E word.  But he was acting pretty much normally, the fever was low and didn't last long and the other tummy problems were inconsistent.  After the appointment his appetite started to diminish and he became increasingly fussy.  I prayed about how to help my baby, Lawrence blessed him that he would get better, and soon I decided to try the washouts and see if that helped.  Immediately after the first washout his appetite was back and he became his happy self again.  After a few days Baby J is feeling much better and his symptoms are quickly disappearing.  He most certainly had this nasty infection and we caught it early enough that the washouts have cleaned it out without a hospital stay or the nasty flagyl.  I am so very thankful for answers to prayers and Priesthood blessings that helped my baby get better without having to go to the hospital.  I am also grateful for doctors that have studied and know how to help with things like this.

Online Auction for Ethan

Remember a little while back when I posted about little Ethan who is fighting cancer?  Well, Ethan has qualified for a medical study for his leukemia.  The study is in Seattle, Washington, which means he has to travel quite a bit.  To help his family I am hosting an auction on Facebook.  If you would like to bid or donate I will share links to the event page on Facebook and the photo album for the auction when it opens.  I would really like for this auction to be a big success so please share with your friends and family so we can help Ethan and his family.  Thank you all for your support!

Here is the event page.  I'm fairly certain you have to have a Facebook page to view the event, but if you'd like to donate an item or service to the auction and don't have one feel free to email me a picture and description of your donation and I will add it to the auction (if you need to collect money to ship anything please include a shipping charge).  lmeestone@gmail.com

The goodness of people never ceases to amaze me!  Along with the auction I am hosting many people who participate in direct sales companies have opened up online parties to help Little Ethan.  Below are links to the parties and descriptions of each.

A good friend has opened a Pampered Chef catalogue show for Ethan.  Each party booked through this catalogue show means a donation to Ethan and a portion of the sales from each party will also go to Ethan.  Pampered Chef sells quality cooking and kitchen items.

Jamberry Nails is a new way to keep you fingers and toes looking stylish.  These nail decals come in a HUGE variety of prints and colors that are sure to make anyone happy.  They are adhesive and apply with a little heat and can stay for up to two weeks! (that's longer than any polish I've every applied).

And here's another Jamberry Nails party from a different host!  Both of these parties are donating 100% of the profits to Ethan.

Last, but not least, is Origami Owl.  This unique jewelry company features living lockets that you can personalize for you and your story.  Show off your children's birthstones or choose charms that match your hobbies or beliefs, wear it as a necklace or bracelet.  These lockets make great gifts for anyone!

Go check it out!

Someone IS watching

Creepy, right?

A few weeks ago I came across an article titled "parent like someone is watching."  The writer talked about how many people act differently when someone else might be watching, especially parents.  A mom will yell less, is less likely to spank, and are often more composed when they are in public and a child misbehaves.  I agreed with what she had to say.  At home, when I run out of patience I am liable to yell, but in public I keep my voice down more.  There are days when I can be very patient and don't yell at all, and then there are days when I run out of patience quickly and I find myself yelling more, and yes, even rarely giving a swat on the bottom.  I feel bad about those days.

As I thought about what I had read I came to realize that someone is always watching.  It should seem obvious that the very children we are parenting are always watching, but not so obvious are the children on the other side and Christ-- they are always watching too.  So I should parent that way.  Since I realized this I have tried to be more patient, raise my voice less, read my scriptures, and pray more.  I find that reading my scriptures invites the spirit so I am less inclined to yell, since that drives the spirit away.  I pray more so that I will be able to be more patient, be more inspired in how best to help and discipline my children, and so I can parent more like someone is watching.  I Love my children and want to set a good example for them.  I don't want them to think of me as their mommy who yells all the time or to be afraid of a spanking, I want them to feel love and support, even in the moments that I want to yell.  I'm not anywhere close to perfect, and I still yell sometimes, but it has gotten less and I find that I am happier, Mr. E is happier, and our home is happier since I started trying to parent like someone is watching.

Also, Happy 4 months to Baby J!

Monday

This coming Monday is the day.  The day Baby J has his second surgery.  The day that will *hopefully* be the start of mont days to come with lots of messy diapers.  I have been doing my best to prepare myself for this day by talking with other HD parents, finding "recipes" for homemade diaper rash creams and wipes (apparently the diaper rash after pull-through is really bad), planning what to pack for myself, Baby J, and Mr. E (he will stay with Grandma and Grandpa), and trying not to think about how long my baby will be under anesthesia.

Lawrence will bless Baby J before surgery, with the help of my dad, maybe more.  And we will be praying for him to handle the surgery well and recover quickly.

Part of me feels that Monday can't come soon enough and another doesn't want it to come at all.  Wish us luck and wave goodbye to his stoma!

Little Ethan

Today I want to share someone else's story.

Two doors down from my parents lives a wonderful family of 8.  They have mom and dad with 5 boys and one girl.  Among these 5 boys is little Ethan.  Ethan is the same age as Ethne.  At 22-months old Ethan was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).  Ethan was given a 3 year plan for chemo to treat this aggressive cancer.  Summer of 2012 Ethan's cancer went into remission.  Life was good, prayers were answered, and shortly before this boy #5 was added to the family.  Unfortunately the remission only lasted one year.  They tried chemo for 5 months with no luck, so Ethan was given an experimental drug to help him fight.  Fortunately the experimental drug worked after only 4 weeks, he was in remission again!  This time around they decided to to a bone marrow transplant.  Ethan's family was tested for compatibility and his younger brother was a match!  After countless blood tests, cranial radiation, and more chemo Ethan received his little brother's donated bone marrow.  This was in January this year.  After 16 days the transplant engrafted and was considered a success, Ethan was on his way home!

Through all of this his family has seen so many miracles, blessings, and answered prayers.  Ethan was granted a wish through the Make a Wish Foundation and he and his family went to Disney World, they added a healthy and happy baby to their family, VIP concert tickets to The Piano Guys were gifted to Ethan, the old swamp cooler in their home was replaced with central air, and so many other generous gifts were given.  They are truly grateful for the outpouring of generosity and love they have seen throughout all of this.

Early this week Ethan went in for a routine appointment and it was discovered that he had RSV.  He was admitted to the hospital for treatment.  But there was something else wrong in the blood tests.  The cancer is back.

When his mother shared this on Facebook my heart broke.  This wonderful family has been through so much and sweet little Ethan is such a fighter.

Today I ask for prayers for Ethan and his family.  Prayers that doctors will know how to help bring Ethan back into remission, prayers that Ethan will not get too sick through this new course of treatment and that he will have the strength to endure it, prayers that his family will have the strength they need to endure this again.

If you want to know more about Ethan's story you can find it here.

Hard Things, brave things, ugly things

After the accident I was in a lot of pain, physical and emotional.  No on can tell you how much it hurts to be literally hit by a truck, even if they've been through it, it hurts that much.  Couple that with the intense and indescribable heartache of losing a child and let's just say that there are very few people I know of that can empathize.  There were times when I was tempted to give up.  I had a nifty button (for the first few days in the hospital) that could help me give up for a time, but I honestly don't remember ever pushing it.  I lay in that bed hating what had happened.  Hating myself for things I couldn't remember.  Hating the truck driver.  And even hating God for a short time.  This was worst the first few hours I was really conscious.  But then they let my baby come back to see me and I realized that, despite all my pain, I needed to live, if for nothing else but him.

Even after I was home and things didn't hurt, physically, as much there were still times I wanted nothing more than to give up.  I wanted to be with my little girl so badly.  I ached for her smell, her smile, her hugs, her kisses, her spirit.  But then I would catch glimpses of these things, glimpses of hope, and I would sally forth.  Lawrence often reminded me that she wouldn't want me to give up, that that was not the plan for me and that I had to be brave and live the best I could so I would be able to have those things I so longed for again.

It was hard work.  I had to fight my instincts, I wanted to stay in bed and cry, but they made me get up and walk.  I wanted to let my grief consume me, but LM would smile at me and Lawrence would hug and encourage me.  And I knew I had to do the hard things.

There were ugly feelings.  I was filled with anger and grief for my Princess.  I was angry about my new body and the scars I would have to live with.  I didn't want to forgive the truck driver, myself, and God for everything that had happened.  I was depressed and I didn't want to continue living the life I had once wanted.  I laid awake at night contemplating ways I could dig my little girl up and bring her home.  It was dark for a while and people were noticing, they weren't saying anything to my face, but they were noticing.

Then someone slapped me in the face, not literally, but figuratively.  I realized the damage I was doing to my family and to myself.  I got to work.  I started paying more attention to lessons in church.  I started reading my scriptures more diligently.  I prayed more often.  I forgave God and the truck driver.  I became more invested in my temple attendance.  I accepted a church calling.  In many ways it was easier for me to give in to my grief, my anger and depression, than to put effort into my faith.  That required more hard work-- and I was tired.  But I finally decided that the work was worth it.  I became happier.  My family was happier too.  I stopped being angry and I forgave.  I had hope that if I did the hard things and the brave things-- and if I let the ugly things go-- I would get the beautiful things I have been promised.

-Melissa

2

Today I woke up to a dog trying to get my attention because she needed to go out.  I dragged my sleepy behind from my comfortable bed, out my bedroom door, down the stairs, and to the back door where I let puppy out.  Then I heard the happy sounds emanating from upstairs, I smiled to myself and followed the sounds to Little Man's bedroom where I found him sitting on his bed happily chatting with his stuffed animals.

"Mommy! Iwan bekfat."
"Do I get a hug?"
"Uh-uh."
"But I will be sad." *insert fake pouting here*
"OK, Mommy?"
"I need a hug." *little boy then ran across the room and threw his sweet little arms around my neck*



It was then that it clicked in my still waking brain, today is his birthday, he is officially 2-years-old today.  Wow...
Tears stung the back of my eyes as I hugged my little boy tight and kissed his sweet face while I told him about this day.  He didn't understand.  He doesn't know that today is a little bittersweet (but mostly sweet) for me.  He may never understand how each of his birthdays from now on will probably be that way.

As of today I have two 2-year-olds.  And in just a few short months we will be in uncharted territory as Edward passes his big sister in age.  This little man is a large part of the reason I made it through everything.  He is the reason I get out of bed every morning.  He is my sunshine every day.  And I doubt if he will ever fully realize how much he has meant to me, especially over the 16 months.  He helps plug the hole in my heart and fills my days with his busy giggles, sweet songs, and amazing hugs.  He teases his daddy and loves his mommy.  This little boy is my joy and my song and I look forward to all the bittersweet years ahead.