Including Angels in Christmas

I have often seen newly bereaved parents ask how they can incorporate their angel children into holidays and particularly, Christmas.  Here are just a few ideas

1) We have this poem that belonged to Grandma and Grandad Burt, it sits on our piano at Christmas time:

Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below.
Please wipe away the tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sound of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am not so far away we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know how I hold you dear.
And be so glad I’m spending time with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent each of you a memory of my undying love,
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told;
Please love and keep my commandments as my Father said to do,
For I count the blessings of love he has for each one of you.
So have a merry Christmas and wipe away the tear,
Remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I love having this as a reminder that Ethne and Thomas are never far and that thy are in the best place they can be at this time of year.  (I can't find an author for this so if anyone knows please tell me).

2) That first Christmas after Ethne died I felt so lost.  This was supposed to be a happy time, but I was so sad and empty.  Mr. E was still so young and, while he was a huge light, it was still so hard.  For my own sanity I decided to say no to all the things, parties, family gatherings, Christmas day visits, I just didn't have it in me.  We needed a way to remember and honor Ethne, while keeping Christmas a happy time for Mr. E, we needed somewhere for the love to go.  So Lawrence suggested that we purchase gifts for her, and donate them.  The first few years we just dropped toys and clothes into donation boxes, but we started adopting a girl, about Ethne's age, off a local angel tree and it feels much more personal.  We try to include grandparents in this, if they are interested, and we also have our living children help with choosing gifts.  It's a small way to help them remember, and to share our extra love with others.  Last year we started including Thomas in this tradition as well.




3) Purchase, hang, or make a tree ornament in memory of your child.  Each year we get ornaments that represent something fun we have done or that represents each member of our family and hang them all on the tree.  It is fun sharing memories each year, and the boys love seeing all their ornaments and hanging them.  We get ornaments for Ethne and Thomas as well.  To remember who each ornament belongs to we mark each one with an initial and the year.

4) Decorate at the cemetery.  Last year I posted on instagram (or facebook, or some other social media) about how we used to get pretty extravagant with decorating Ethne's headstone, and how I was scaling back and keeping it simple.  For some simple works, but or others it is a sincere act of love to go all out decorating a loved-one's headstone or grave for holidays and Christmas in particular.  I say you do you, and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong.  If a tree with ornaments and lights is right for you, go right ahead, if a simple tinsel garland or nativity does the trick, then leave it at that; and if you find that it changes from one year to the next that's okay too, just do what makes you feel like you have honored your child.

4) Acts of service in their name.  Some people prefer acts of service over gift giving in their child's memory.  Things such as food drives, clothing drives, blood drives, serving meals at a soup kitchen, and so much more are often done in the memory of angels.

5) Monetary donations in a loved one's name are another great way to remember a child.  Donate to a cancer foundation, or a not-for-profit children's hospital, a private school, or a ballet school.  Choose something that was or would have been meaningful to your child and give what you can.

6) Hang a stocking, or other decoration for your child.  My mom made beautiful stockings for each of my children, Ethne and Thomas included, and we hang them every year.

7) We believe in Eternal families, that we will be reunited with Ethne and Thomas after we die, and we will get a chance to raise them when Christ returns.  In order to receive these blessings there are things we must do, and covenants we must keep, so each year we set goals to help us keep our covenants and draw closer to Jesus Christ, who makes it all possible.  Goals like studying our scriptures more diligently, attending the temple more regularly, or memorizing the Articles of Faith.  We write these goals down and place them in Ethne and Thomas's stockings as symbolic gifts to them.  Even if you don't have these same beliefs you can set goals to live a better life by serving those around you, being more patient, loving yourself better, and more and give these as symbolic gifts to your child(ren).


This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it is a place to start.  Please remember that everyone grieves differently and if nothing feels right to you, keep searching for that something that does and never let anyone tell you that you're doing it wrong.  Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time and space to grieve in what ever ways work for you.  I hope this can give those seeking ways to honor their loved ones this season some ideas and can help bring some peace.