But despite the efforts we make to include her and her spirit of love it is still hard. Hard not to have her here and experience the joy of the season with her. Hard not to take her to see Santa and get a picture of her screaming from his lap, or giving him a hug. It is hard to not see her standing with the sweet primary children as they sing in sacrament meeting about the baby Jesus. It is hard not to have her in a dance program like her cousin, where we can Oo and awe over how cute she looks in a tutu or mouse costume, even though she doesn't really know the steps. It is hard not to be buying her a pretty princess dress for Christmas. And it is hard not to see her toting around the snowman decoration and snuggling with it, even though it really isn't soft at all.
But through all the hard things there are tender mercies. Family joining us as we give her a different kind of gift, gifts of goals to help us draw closer to her and to our Savior. Precious memories of the three Christmases we did get to spend with her. A little elf that bears her initials here to remind Mr. E (and the rest of us) to be good and to create a little mischief along the way. New memories to be created with Mr. E and BB now and in the future. And the hope, faith, and knowledge that, because of the first Christmas, and our infinite and loving Savior, we will get to celebrate with her again.
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