Let it Go

I recently finished a couple books that I thought I would share.  First is this book (pictured at the left).  My mom recommended it to me.  At first a small part of me was a little upset, thinking that she was telling me to let things go and move on, but after that brief moment I got over myself and realized that that was not her intent.  This book is the story of a man who was also in a tragic car accident and lost his wife and three children (the book says two, but I count the unborn baby).  They were hit by a drunk driver in Salt Lake City several years ago.  As I read about the accident and the events surrounding it I began to remember the news reports about it and about this man and his message of forgiveness.  I particularly remember that the unborn baby was developed enough that the doctors removed him from the mother's womb and placed him in her arms for burial.  This man experienced many of the same things we are experiencing.  He battled with grief, anger, bills, and getting back to a "normal" life after this horrible loss.  But he made it through all of it.  He forgave and even became friends with the young man who hit him, he got the bills all paid, he remarried and had more children, and he continues to raise his surviving sons, but he still grieves.  That is something that stood out to me, that, even though he has continued with his life that he still grieves the loss of his wife and children, but he knows that the only way to get his wife and children back is to continue on with this life in the best way that he knows how.  One thing that he said a few times was that he knew he had to "get back on the horse."  He had to revisit the underpass that the accident occurred in, he had to perform in his duties as a father, he had to fulfill his church callings, he had to clean up the bedrooms of his children that died.  This has made me thing about things that I have avoided since the accident-- things like driving and cleaning up Ethne's things.  So I started driving again.  It was a little scary at first, but I had my rock by my side, helping me and comforting me.  I am planning to get on some other horses in the near future, but for now driving has been a big step.  This is a great story of forgiveness and love from a man who has been there and I really appreciated hearing a man's story.

The other book I read is "For They Shall be Comforted."  This book was given to us by our Bishop and his wife while I was still in the hospital.  This is the story of a woman who studied psychology and grief and also lost two children.  She talked about how she knew, intellectually, what stages of grief she was in while she was in them, but emotionally there was nothing she could do about it.  She told the stories of her two children and the things that happened after each of her losses.  I recommend this book for everyone.  It is good for those who have lost to understand that the things they are going through, feeling, and thinking are normal and necessary.  It is also good for those who may be trying to help someone(s) who have lost to help them understand what their loved one(s) may be feeling and it gives tips for them to help understand and what they can do.  While I realize where I am in my grieving, I also realize there is nothing I can do about it, these feelings and thoughts will happen no matter how hard I try not to let them.  However, I can try not to hurt anyone that may cross my path on a bad day or inadvertently say or do something to trigger bad emotions.

Helpful books.  If you want to read them I would say you can't go wrong with either one.