Butterflies and Little Girls

Several weeks ago I was looking at another blog and saw a story of a woman who has lost many children, mostly to miscarriage.  She was reaching out to other mothers experiencing loss by making memory boxes for them.  Included in these boxes was matching items to be buried with the child and kept with the mother.  This got my mom and me thinking.  My mom expressed to me that she felt bad that I didn't really have anything like that, but I pointed out that I do.  So we brainstormed and came up with mommy and me bracelet sets.  We decided to make a matching bracelet for mothers and daughters who have passed.  We set out on a search for a charm that suited our purpose, something that remind us of Ethne, but could also be meaningful to other mommies.  We thought of elephants, because they never forget, or tiaras, every little girl is their mommy's princess, but these didn't quite fit.  We found some elephant charms that we liked, ordered them, but they weren't what we expected.  Then we went bead shopping so that we could work on our project for Memorial Day.  The bead shop is where we found our charm.  A sweet little butterfly with "created for you" etched on the back.  My mom learned some new skills and we sat down, with Mom Stone and Eliza, on Memorial Day, and made some bracelets.  We decided to do some different sizes for different ages of little girls, so we started with toddler sized bracelets and got these...

Then we moved on to baby sized, because, unfortunately, some babies don't live more than a year.  And so we got these..

Mom called Primary Children's to make sure our donation would be accepted, because this isn't on the list on their website, and spoke with the woman in charge of donations.  She thought it was a wonderful idea and asked to meet us.  About that time I was thinking about babies that don't even make it to term, aka "preemies" and those who don't survive pregnancy-- stillbirths.  We needed even tinier bracelets.  So we got these...

And while I was thinking mom was thinking, "what about the older girls?"  Primary's treats girls up to 16-years-old.  So we made these...

And each set makes my heart break a little.  To think of these mommies, who loose their princesses, I feel their pain.  Whether it's a few months, minutes, or several years, you still hold them in your heart.  These sweet girls are called back to their home in heaven long before anyone is ready to see them go.  Mom wanted to put something with the bracelets to help give more meaning to the charm we chose, so she searched.  And she found a poem that is perfect for our purpose.  And so we have this...

On Butterflies and Little Girls

Butterflies and little girls are
almost exactly the same
The only things that differ are
the letters in their names
Both are beautiful and
exquisite and rare
and your heart stops beating
when you take the time to care

Tine feet, and little fingers –
a baby smell that always lingers
The beauty of a butterfly we
only see for a moment,
but a baby girl we know
lives in our hearts forever.

YURI DURAAN

Thank you Yuri Duraan, your words are perfect.

Today we delivered the bracelets.  The woman we met was so sweet and grateful.  She said that our gift would bring a lot of comfort to other mothers.  I'm glad to be able to look outside myself and help others, but it was so hard.

It was so hard to stand there and think that I wasn't able to be with my little girl in her hardest time.  That I wasn't able to hold her hand when she needed me most.  That I was at least a little responsible for her needing to go there in the first place.  And I cried.  I cried thinking of what she must have gone through those last few hours.  I cried thinking of how jealous I was of those other mothers, who get to be with their babies and hold them and be with them, even when they can't ease their suffering.  And then I cried thinking that some of those mothers might be jealous of me, not having to watch their child suffer.  And I cried for all the babies who have to suffer.  I just hope that these bracelets can bring a little bit of comfort to other mommies and babies.

As far as future donations, I have started a little business and I will be selling mommy and me bracelet sets.  For each set I sell I will donate another to Primary Children's hospital.  You can look at my Facebook page here.