It's a Love-hate Thing

It often feels like people are perplexed about grief as an emotion.  Sometimes grief can be short-lived, especially when it is over something small or something that can be fixed.  But other times it is long lasting, it's not something that a person can just "get over."  What people seem to misunderstand about grief is that it is not an independent emotion.  Many emotions are felt just for themselves, we feel sad because we are upset over something, we feel love in spite of other feelings about someone of something (for example I love Mr. E even when I am angry with him), but grief seems to work a little differently.  People only tend to grieve over things they care about, over things they love.  I love Baby J and that is why I felt grief over his HD and the things he will have to endure because of it, parents of wayward children feel grief for the actions of their children because they love them.  If there is no other emotion tied to someone or something there is likely no grief.  That is why losing a child is so hard.  We grieve for their loss because we love them eternally and until they are no longer gone from our presence that grief will continue.  Grief is a love thing, and sometimes I kind of hate that it is.  

The other day I watched the new Disney movie "Frozen."  I was enjoying the cute story and the fun music when the snowman Olaf showed up.  "My name is Olaf and I like warm hugs!"  Olaf's song and antics brought a mix of emotions from me, tears and laughter.  You see, Olaf made me think of Ethne and how much she would have enjoyed this movie.  She was so much like Olaf, my cuddly little girl who loved to make people smile and loved to give hugs.  This time of year can be hard too, with all the frilly dresses for spring in stores, I wish I had a reason to buy them.


Sometimes I wish I could turn it off and enjoy things that seem to trigger my grief, like admiring girlie spring dresses and watching Princess movies.  But then I realize that not feeling this grief would be to not feel my love for Ethne and I don't want that at all.